P1000775 a photo by THE TENNICO on Flickr.
That rainy day today. Rainy, oh, just plain.
not count the time from which we write more (here I mean) but nothing. A long break from my blog.
I bought the bag. Red. Ah sisi. In May, a sailing course. At this time, however, Caprera. Just them. One section of the route that I finally decided to take. Why has played 27 years in the case you are looking to finally understand the things that make part of me. The things that are vital to give me structure, things that are my main girder.
At 27 I realized I was not having a main girder. To have turned more or less always empty like a top, at the mercy of the moment, my desire to control who falsely reassured me that I was falsely intend to do the right thing, which falsely made me understand that that was the only ways of doing the right things. Instead, this was simply an act of war against myself. For years I was a warmonger against myself. War that did not allow me to challenge my fears, and gain awareness. What has not allowed me to become aware of my limitations. and challenges. What has not allowed me to understand who and what the hell they are.
the end I lived with fear. Will control, a willingness to curb, rather than face them and understand them. I made the paths more tortuous, dangerous, insidious, to avoid them. I lost time.
And all that I have held for years outside the door is returned to the window. Everything all at once. The Bad Boys. What a blow.
'm glad I got it. Better late than never.
I've had for years, the vacant horror. The fear of myself. Fear of being. Whatever it was.
things I've done for years not for me. Because I wanted them, live them, be. But just to make them, to keep me busy, nothing to prove to play a role.
Why I was damn afraid to pause for a second to savor the silence, to enjoy myself was pointless. Or rather, I did not understand that fermrmi was a necessity for me, the only way to grow. Of being and becoming an adult. I had eyes for centuries, para. The horro has been vacant for years myself. In practice, I have never known. I never asked who I was really, what was my course, I was on a boat just to be there, but not for go. My life so far has been a continuous drift. Mo enough. I've always been a damn Actor, a random occurrence in the life of an individual who did not understand to be me. The lump
I woke up. It made me realize that before it's too late, is now to build their lives. To know each other, understand each other. Of be. Whatever I am.
By boat, if everything is OK, no need to continue to take the helm.
I leave the helm.
I want to be.
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